Being sexually woke means to be awakened both spiritually and physically, and to find your full aliveness again. And when you go towards 40's or you just crossed 'that line', it can feel like you are losing part of yourself, trust me. So, let's talk about it little.
No matter how you might feel at the moment, know that your 'sexual being' in 40's has not died, perhaps just took a little 'nap' ;). So here are some ideas on how to 'wake' that again and fully enjoy 40's and really taking advantage of it ;).
1. Do not try to change yourself much
Just simply be yourself (you can be better and start making better decisions, but just make sure you are true to yourself - always!). You should (at all time) be comfortable in your own skin and familiar with your body and know what you like or dislike when comes to sex. Oh yes. And I am pretty sure you know it by now!However, yes, changes to our bodies and to our sexual anatomy are inevitable as we age. So, therefore it is important that we accept these changes and feel content and deeply connected to ourselves. Otherwise, a deep connection with our partner is impossible. While I fully believe in loving myself as I am, I also believe in the power of taking the initiative to address the changes in my sexual body that happen due to aging (like vaginal dryness and decreased sensitivity, etc.). There are a number of products available to improve sexual desire and functioning, both topically in the form of lubes and creams as well as more in-depth surgical and nonsurgical treatments. You just so you know - yes you do have options. If only you desire to change it for better, yes.
2. Connect between spiritual wellness and sexual satisfaction
So what does that mean? Well, spirituality looks different for everyone (to some it can be God, exercise, yoga, meditation, nature, etc.). The essential common thread is a deep understanding of connection to something bigger than yourself based in love, connection, and compassion. While our 30's are often devoted to work, simply giving us little time for self-reflection, perhaps our 40's start to offer some opportunities to start relieving ourselves of those burdens, hardships, and resentments. Therefore, journaling (to me - writing this blog) and meditation can help with this process. And remember, resentment is the #1 libido crusher for women, so forgiveness and restoring our relationships are key for healthy, satisfying sex lives after we hit 40's ;)
3. Communicate with your other half and be intentional
To me, being intentional with my husband is sexy. Small, daily moments of presence, attention, and recognition keep the fire of love alive, trust me. Something as small as how you greet each other and say goodbye can make a huge difference in your passion levels. Giving your partner your full attention, even if for a minute, acknowledges that you care about their happiness, and this communication will increase desire in your physical relationship too.
4. The word 'sex' gets different meaning
We typically think of sex as vaginal intercourse right? However, we should shift our mindset to define it as 'intimate physical contact'. To me, physical intimacy is key in healthy relationships, and vaginal intercourse is not always a pleasurable way to express this. Beside, researches found that only 4 out of 10 women regularly have an orgasm through vaginal intercourse. So, clearly is more to that! As we experience hormonal and physical changes in 40' vaginal intercourse becomes increasingly difficult, if not (for some) agonisingly impossible. There are countless other ways to express intimate physical contact—the only criteria is that it creates pleasure for both parties.Copy this! This could include cuddling, touching, perhaps even rubbing the genitalia together. The only thing you have to remember is to focus on whatever expression of sexual intimacy conveys a feeling of connection equally to you both. Both yes!!
5. Adventures whenever you can
Not only do we require more stimulation as we age, but we also can benefit from new types of stimulation. This can be a fun new experience and way to reawaken your sexual being, with or without a partner, as you explore your body in a different and exciting way. And yes, you should try it too.
6. Priorities first
Focus on connecting with your partner, simply do not waste your time ;) The process of connection can be as enjoyable as orgasm itself as you and your partner grow closer together in your physical intimacy. Do not over complicate just make it a priority amongst your others ;).
Again, lifes is way to short to be boring and not exploring, especially when it comes to learn more about yourself. When, if not now?
Until next time, S.
Comments