Do you want the truth? To me, real intimacy, both physical and emotional, starts with me and me only. Don't get fooled and think about it. And trust me, really, the path to self-love is littered with obstacles. After all, we all have our own insecurities to bear (yes, even me). And for many women, extreme self-consciousness or even outright self-loathing about their weight or looks, can significantly erode sexual intimacy with their partners. So, this is not a joke! It is quite a serious 'problem solving' situation. So, do not underestimate it as self-intimacy is the first critical step in getting to know ourselves. And not only so that we can become closer with others — but so that we can finally see that we're actually pretty perfect, just as we are!! End.
1. What is self-intimacy anyways?
To me, self-intimacy, is all about being aware of your own feelings, caring about those feelings, and sharing them with your partner in first place. However, is not just the talk either ;).
'Self-intimacy, and the sharing of your feelings it implies, isn’t just about being verbal. Some people are better at expressing themselves non-verbally. But whether you are a verbal or non-verbal communicator, being in touch with your own feelings on a regular basis helps you thrive with your partner over the long-term.'
The ability to look at our behaviours objectively is a pretty big deal for those living in today's world, where the vast majority of people are running 100 kmp on auto-pilot. Trust me, it's gone wild. Just look around and sense the pace of the World. Crazy as it is, it is completely up to us to work on this for the sake of not loosing ourselves completely. We act unconsciously, we let our minds wander, we have no real idea what's wrong. Right? However, by developing self-awareness, we can start to notice and heal our emotions moment to moment until eventually, we look up one day and realise that feeling well is the default, not the outlier.
2. Make self intimacy a habit, a healthy habit
Keep this in mind at all times. For so long, that it will become a habit. A healthy habit.
- Learn to self-soothe
Yes, stress is a habit too. And the best way to break a habit is to replace it with a better one. When you're feeling distant or down, take a minute to find out what you really need. In many cases, better food choices or a little extra exercise can be exactly what you need to offset the negative emotions. That's definitely what works for me. Whether it's something as simple as passing on that second cup of coffee and reaching for the water instead, you'll be amazed how the tiniest of changes can move mountains over time.
- Enjoy your own company
Yes, have your own back. Feeling isolated is the worst kind of pain. Peaceful solitude, however, is one of life's most delicious gifts. Whether it's spending a day at home alone or going out solo for coffee or a movie, doing things on your own can build confidence and help strengthen your inner bond. Or, why not go bold? Take yourself on a relaxing holiday or sign up for a new class without knowing a single person in it. Lol. Just get as as crazy as you can possibly imagine. Wander!!
- Writing a journal helps me overcome any situation in life
So, I advise you to start writing a journal, collecting some pieces of personal journey, etc. And I can only imagine, you've probably heard this advice before. But did you know that there is a firm body of evidence proving that writing about emotional events (both good and bad) can improve your physical and psychological health? So, why not? However, if you don't think of yourself as much of a 'writer', start with just perhaps few minutes a day and see what you can get out of your head and down on paper. Another option is to try a video diary which can be a surprisingly effective way to discover important insights about yourself. Get crazy with socials, make it fun, make it valuable to yourself - the rest does not matter anyways. It should all be about you!!
Again, your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship there is, but (just to remind you), it is critical to maintain a deeper connection with your partner (including all the great sex that goes with it) too.
And remember, it all starts with you. Work on yourself daily. Care for your body and soul and make the magic happen. You only have one life to live!
Until next time, S.
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