We all, are emotional creatures, and we were born to express emotions freely and openly. Somewhere along the way, however, many of us learned to repress emotions, especially those deemed 'negative,' in order to fit in, earn some love, and mostly to be accepted within the environment (among family first and then friends and people walking your path). Well, sure this was my experience.
I grew up in a home where the motto was 'children are to be seen, not heard.' There was little emotional expression allowed, let alone accepted. No one was there to validate or help us process emotions in a healthy way. Anger was met with anger, fear went unacknowledged, and there was plenty of shame to go around. My parents never really model how to deal with difficult emotions, as they struggled with that themselves. When those emotions showed up, I often felt overwhelmed and inadequate, ashamed of my failure to be a 'good girl.'
So, I learned to bury my pain deep inside, feeling invisible, ashamed, angry, alone, and unable to ask for what I needed. Trying to hide the pain, from others and myself, I clearly built walls, put on masks, and soldiered on. For better or worse! My pain was buried so deep, I didn’t realise it was there until I had my own child. And motherhood opened up old wounds, the house of cards fell apart, and I began to unravel. It was time!!
1. Put cards on the table
In my thirties, faced with growing angst and creeping depression—and motivated to be the best parent I could be to my child, I began to deal with repressed memories and old emotional residue that has left me suffering from chronic back pain, sciatica, headaches, and anxiety at some point, etc.
2. Let's face it
As a child, I hid from the emotional pain by delving into the world of music, sports and academics, But as an adult, I realised I was strong enough to face it. I wasn’t a little child anymore; I didn’t have to hide. Now I was more mature and had resources I needed to finally face the pain that used to overwhelm my young brain, and begin to heal it. Let me say it loud out for you too - the truth is, we all hide our emotions occasionally. We pretend, avoid, and deny uncomfortable emotions in an effort of 'self preservation', as a defense mechanism. We do this most often with difficult emotions like shame, fear, or anger. When we experience events that emotionally overwhelm us and we’re unable to process what is happening, accept our emotions, and express them through our body and mind, we hide them deep inside us where others cannot see them. And we end up hiding them from ourselves too. Yet, they’re still there. And always will be until you start healing it.
3. Trapped emotions affect our full potential
The unresolved emotions get trapped in our body where they build and fester, draining our energy, leading to burnout, emotional imbalance, and eventually disease. When we chronically repress emotions, we create toxicity in our body, mind, and heart. And, this unprocessed emotional energy is stored in our organs, muscles, and tissues. It leads to inflammation and chronic health problems, and it undermines our overall well-being!!
4. Start to process emotional energy stuck in your body
First remember that the opposite of repression is expression. So, in order to process our emotional distress and move it though and out of our body so it doesn’t get stuck there, we need to learn to express our emotions in a healthy way, in the body and mind. But first, we need to learn to recognise and accept our feelings as they come and go. So how do we do it? Let me take you through few of the steps that clearly helped me, find my way out of it and become true self again.
- Importance of 'self awareness'
The challenge is to recognise the emotion and feel it in your body. This is where mindfulness comes in.And the goal is to notice what is happening within our body, accept it, and feel it fully, without judgment. Hear me? Without judgement!! My moto is 'I have to feel it to heal it' as we have to fully experience the emotion in order to process and integrate it into our experience. Remember this as it is crucial from start. You must feel it in the body, ok (it is the critical point). As Brach writes, 'If the process of including difficult emotions in awareness stops at the level of cognitive understanding without a fully embodied experience, the genuine acceptance, insight, and inner freedom that are the essence of true healing will not be complete.'
So my advise to you is to practice mindfulness to get better at recognising your feelings and observing the bodily sensations connected to those feelings, as they come and go throughout the day. Offer yourself 'self compassion' as you go through more difficult emotions. Ok?
SIMPLE EXERCISE TO PRACTISE THIS.
Sit still for few minutes with your eyes closed. Listen to your body and become curious.
What does your body feel like right now? Is there any pressure or tingling? Where? Do you feel heavy, hot, contracted, warm, or cold? What is the texture, weight, and shape of sensations you notice in your body? What emotions are those sensations connected to? Can you breathe into the parts that call your attention? What do those parts of your body want to tell you? What do they want?
-Importance of 'self expression'
Emotions need to be expressed to be processed. The goal is to move the energy of emotion through and out the body so we can let it go. Right?! This 'self expression' must be authentic and embodied. So, remember, true healing occurs when body and mind integrate, so express the emotion on the bodily level first and foremost.
CONTINUE WITH PRACTICAL EXERCISE
Still sitting, ask yourself, What does this emotion you just connected with need from you? What feels right in this moment? What do you need?
Maybe you feel the need to cry it out, scream into a pillow, go for a swim, walk or run, dance it out, hit a punching bag, do some gardening, tapping, yoga, etc. Whatever you do, just paint your feelings out and simply breathe deeply while facing the sun. Whatever, just do it!! And trust me, you will free the poisonous emotion that you carried within yourself, and free yourself from its shackles
(From my point of view).
Beside (this sure is a bonus) - follow this step with one of the best forms of emotional healing—start journaling!! Writing can be a very therapeutic experience of 'self discovery', reconnecting with our true self, and processing our deepest feelings and emotions. Trust me, when I write I give my internal world a voice. I process and make sense of what is happening within me and around me. And I gain perspective; by writing about my fears and hurts I can look at them from a distance, detach from their grip, and eventually let them go. That release can be truly healing. Yes, if anything - you should try this!!
Practice journaling every day to get better at expressing and processing your feelings. Don’t censor or judge yourself; let it all out, completely unfiltered. Over time, your journal will become a safe space for you to free yourself, get unstuck, and move forward. We often don’t have the time and space to process emotions in the moment, so make sure you allow yourself the space to feel the emotions you’ve had through the day and journal about it at the end of each day.
SIMPLE WRITING PROMPT TO START PRACTISING THIS
First think, then start writing. What is happening in your life right now that you wish you could change? What is the biggest source of frustration? As you write, notice the sensations in your body. Tune into the parts that are numb, in pain, or frozen. What are they trying to tell you? What needs healing, attention, or change?
- Importance of 'self care'
If we have habitually neglected our bodies and ignored our emotions, we have to re - dedicate ourselves to body-mind self-care, and indulge in healing habits that will bring in the feeling of well-being. The goal is to realign back with your authentic self, reset back to a relaxed and open state, and come back into wellness and balance.
SIMPLE PRACTICAL EXERCISE TO DO THIS
Take time to slow down and be alone, get out into nature, make art, listen to music while you cook your favourite dinner, meditate to cleanse your mind and relax your body, take a bubble bath or a nap to restore. Take good care of yourself to awaken to life’s joy and simple pleasures that will nourish your body, mind, and soul.
But, listen to me, whatever you do, make sure you do it within your true self and authentic you only.
Simply leave the past behind and start digging into the 'unknown' within yourself and see what happens!
Live. Love. Be true you!
Until next time, S.
Comments