Like all big milestones in life, my 41st birthday really got me thinking and reflecting.
Unlike the months leading up to my thirtieth birthday that were filled with dread, resistance, and melancholy, lots of 'shit' on its way, I felt strangely at peace about turning forty-one and even a sense of excited optimism, mingled with a small but definite dose of denial. Yup! In fact, I can still remember clearly when my parents turned forty when I was a young girl, thinking 'Wow, they are really old now.' It was a scary thought that my parents were now considered to be ‘mid-life’, with everybody telling them 'It’s all downhill from here'. LOL really!
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And then seemingly out of nowhere, it was my turn to turn forty, forty - one. Hmmm and this one definitely snuck up on me from behind, or from the front - as you wish ;). It did hit and it hit hard enough, to start thinking about it, contemplating about it, put things on scale and measure out what serves and what does not serve anymore! It seems like only yesterday I was graduating from high school or even graduating from the UNI - feeling like the future was vast and limitless. We buried a time capsule on the school grounds in our final days of school that contained a letter to our future selves ten years down the track, saying what we hoped to do in the next ten years. Ten years seemed so long and far away back then. I had so many ideas about what I would be and have by then. And yet here I am, out of school for well more than fifteen years, wondering how it all went so fast. How?? Sure, lots has happened in that time. I’ve lived in many different countries, had lots of adventures and weathered many turbulent storms. And when I say storms - I mean hurricanes!! Oohh yes. But still, it is hard to fathom that I am now considered to be mid-life (lol), relegated to the ranks of 'old farts', the ones who have to scroll down for ages to find their birth year. Right!!
Given how quickly the past twenty years have gone, and how suddenly my life after 40 seems to have come around, there is only one conclusion I can come to about all of this, and that is,
'Life is too short and life goes way too fast'
They're standard old clichés, but it’s finally sunk in that they’re true. Seeing this clearly has made me re-think how I want to live my next forty years if I am blessed to live that long or (hopefully) even longer (if it is to believe to dna ;)) And so here are my suggestions for those of us entering the 'after forty' era.
1. Do what you love and do it often
As we already know, life is way too short. You only get one shot at it. So why waste time doing things you do not even enjoy? Why not find out what you love doing and do it often and if possible even do it at all times, no? We have all heard the saying, 'If you love what you do, you will never work another day in your life'. And that to me, seems the ultimate joy, turning your passion and joy into your day job. But remember, it can also be just in the small things. Find out what makes your heart sing. Develop a relationship with your heart and hear what it is trying to tell you. For me, a big one is travel and exploring the world (and believe me, I am still trying to figure this out and in the end I will!!). The more I can do of this, the happier my soul feels. Whatever it is, find your passion and make it come alive. My biggest fear is getting to 80 and wishing I’d done all those things I love while I still had the health and ability to do them. However, it takes a lot of courage to follow our hearts, to take that leap of faith out of our comfort zone and into the unknown. We shouldn’t expect the path of the heart to be easy. It will by necessity shake things up in life.Beside any big change requires a period of upheaval, and that scares us. And that's ok. If it does not scare you, then it is not something you really wish to accomplish!
2. To me, there is no destination, so enjoy the journey
We will never ‘get there’, wherever ‘there’ is. When I was younger I thought I would have my life all nicely wrapped up by the time I would reach forty – the perfect career, perfect family, perfect home, perfect lifestyle. However I had not even realised how much I still had to learn about myself and about life and that the only way I would get to know all this would be through riding the beautiful yet sometimes ugly and brutal roller coaster of life. I also did not know that despite which destination I had in mind, life had a mind all if its own. Trust me! And there were lessons I needed to learn, even when I did not particularly want to learn those lessons (those are the hardest and they hit you way more than you expect. Out of the bloom - day by day, deeper and deeper). Beside I had no idea I would spend the first, let's say almost 40 years of my life trying to live up to the expectations of others, deaf to the whispers of my own heart. I did not know it would take a crisis to wake me up to my authentic desires and to have the courage to follow them. My point here is - it does not matter if we do not get it ‘right’, whatever that is as there is no one keeping score. The journey of life has an infinite number of paths it could follow and so many ‘sliding door’ moments. Each path we choose teaches us something about ourselves. And I think that is the whole point, to get to know ourselves, to grow, to develop and to appreciate every experience life has to offer, no matter how good or bad (Copy this!!).
And now, the optimism I feel about my forties comes from the freedom of deciding to live life on my terms, in alignment with my heart, and nothing less. Yes, hear your inner voice. Shhh, listen...
the heart is talking to you!
3. Be present at all times
Given the hectic nature of life, it is easy to get caught up in the chaos, with our minds either on what needs to happen next or what happened in the past. It is a challenge to be right there in the moment with the people around us. It is the tragedy of our times to see more than half the people in a bar or restaurant on their smartphones, rather than talking to the person they are with. This is something I am consciously practicing more and more; to put away all distractions and to be fully ‘with’ the person I am spending time with. I know how much I appreciate it when someone actually gives me their undivided attention. So, we need to do less multi-tasking (or be on auto pilot) and be more present.
4. Devote more of your time to people you care about
Life is busy and before you know it, months can pass without spending much time with loved ones. We all need to spend more time with those special people who bring us alive, who make us laugh and who love us no matter what we say or do. You know, some people just make us feel good about ourselves. They inspire us and support us to be a better person. They mirror back all our positive qualities through their unconditional love and space of non-judgment. And they are just fun to be with. And if you are blessed to have at least a few of those people in your life, spend more time with them - without thinking too much. After all, the true beauty of life is not in anything we can do or achieve but in enjoying the connections we have with others. Remember that!
5. Dance, sing and laugh often
Laughing is a tonic for the soul. There is nothing as good as laughing so hard that your tummy or cheeks hurt right? Or singing your lungs out when that favourite old song comes on the radio and you can turn it up full bore, feeling all the emotion and joy the song brings as memories come flooding back. Or dancing freely and letting your hair down, feeling care-free and alive. These are all things I hope to do more of as I grow older, because I want to enjoy this wild and beautiful roller coaster ride as much as I can. At the end of the day -bring on the forties, let’s try to embrace this ‘getting old’ business with open arms, right?!
6. Feel genuine, heartfelt gratitude
Remember, it is a privilege to grow old, one not afforded to everybody. Next time you cringe at your wrinkles in the mirror, bless them instead, for at least they mean you have lived long enough to earn them. And wrinkles around your eyes are a sign of how much you have laughed. Do not get me wrong, I still find it hard to accept the first signs of aging in my body (was that really a grey hair? Are my hands really starting to look like my 'granny’s'? But at the same time, it means I am still here and growing older. Which means I am able to be with my family and watch my people grow older, and that right there is a blessing to be grateful for each and every day.
Life is beautiful, you just have to look at it from a positive end.
Appreciate and never take anything in life for granted.
Until next time, S.
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