Do you often experience a lack of connection in your relationships? Even though you may feel like you are, trust me you are not alone. And self-intimacy may play a big part of it. In our society, we tend to view words like 'selfish' or 'self-conscious' in a negative light. Of course, our ability to connect with others is fundamental to our very survival. However, this idea can backfire when we become so programmed to putting others ahead of ourselves, we hardly know who we are anymore (and believe, I seen it a lot!).
Real self-intimacy (both physical and emotional) starts with you
The path to self love is littered with obstacles. After all, we all have our own insecurities to bear. For many women, extreme self-consciousness or even outright self-loathing about their weight or looks, can significantly erode sexual intimacy with their partners. In fact there are many studies out there, stating both, women and man, felt reluctant to be intimate with their partners due to a lack of confidence about their bodies.
Self-intimacy is the first critical step in getting to know ourselves
Not only so that we can become closer with others, but mainly that we can finally see that we are actually pretty perfect, just as we are. And once we accept that, things change for better. To me - it sure is a 'game changer'!
Self intimacy is fundamental for our growth
Self-intimacy is about being aware of your own feelings, caring about those feelings, and sharing them with your partner, family and friends. But it is not all just talk, either. Some people are better at expressing themselves non-verbally. But whether you are a verbal or non-verbal communicator, being in touch with your own feelings on a regular basis helps you thrive with your partner over the long-term - and that is important.
The ability to look at our behaviours objectively
This can be a pretty big deal for those living in today's world, where the vast majority of people are running 100 miles per hour, on auto-pilot! Majority of people act unconsciously, with minds wander, having no real idea what's happening. By developing self-awareness, we can start to notice and heal our emotions moment to moment until eventually, we look up one day and realise that feeling well is the default, not the outlier.
Self-intimacy should become your daily healthy habit
There are many ways towards improved self-intimacy and one of my favourites I listed below.
- Keep a journal
You have probably heard this advice before. But did you know that there is a firm body of evidence proving that writing about emotional events (both good and bad) can improve your physical and psychological health? If you do not think of yourself as much of a 'writer', start with just 10 minutes a day and see what you can get out of your head and down on paper. Another option is to try a video diary which can be a surprisingly effective way to discover important insights about yourself. Do whatever helps, even taking photos and then scan them from a-z.
Learn to observe!
- Have your own back
Feeling isolated is the worst kind of pain. Peaceful solitude, however, is one of life's most delicious gifts. Whether it is spending a day at home alone or going out solo for coffee or a movie, doing things on your own can build confidence and help strengthen your inner bond. Or, why not go bold? Take yourself on a relaxing holiday or sign up for a new class without knowing a single person in it.
- Self-soothe should become your new healthy habit
Let's put it this way. Stress is a habit. And the best way to break a habit is to replace it with a better one. When you are feeling distant or down, take a minute to find out what you really need. In many cases, better food choices or a little extra exercise can be exactly what you need to offset the negative emotions. To me, certainly is the healthy eating and daily home workouts! It is a winner, a long term winner!
Remember, your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship there is. And it is critical to maintaining a deeper connection with your partner (including all the great sex that goes with it, right ;)?
Take the step to self-intimacy today, make one change at the time and watch the world around you change for better. You can do it. And I am always here to talk more if coaching needed.
Until next time, S.
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